hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
