You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
