I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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