these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
