It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
