I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
