I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
