My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
