Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
