just come out here and I will go home with you...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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