I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
