He asked to "fluff my boner.."
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
