Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
