oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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