it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
you made out with another girl for some wings
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
