my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.