i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
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then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
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I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"