What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
