If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
