So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
ok first of all what the fuck
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
