Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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