singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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