Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
