you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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