I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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