either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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