you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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