You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
