i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
