It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
