I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
