why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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