Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
