wrigley field is MILF paradise
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
