I wish I only lived at night.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
