just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
