my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
40s are totally the cure
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
