it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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