Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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