you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
