I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
