found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
