that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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