so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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