I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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