i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
