yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
