i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
