who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
