Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
