I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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