my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I need a beard to bite.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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