i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
