i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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