I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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