Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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