I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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