if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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