Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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