I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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