hell yes lets make some ravioli
my shit smells like andre
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
