belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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