I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
