I can tuck mytits in my pants
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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