From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
