So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
