oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
