I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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