when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
