I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
