I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
not ubering you a puppy
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
