Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
