If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Found the puke drawer
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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