ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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